Horse owners from Texas who just won the Belmont stakes! My best clients! Some of my favorite foods!
So, what’s not to be perfect?
It was the ultimate barbeque. A sprawling estate in which we created an event of southern hospitality to rival any of our longhorn and cowboy friends! A stunning white horse and carriage escorted the guests from the valet at bottom of the football field lengthen driveway to the start of the event! Before the guests entered the main party, I created a pre party socializing area, where there was ice cold shiner bock beer, pitchers of sangria and shots of tequila lemonade.
150 bales of hay were randomly placed around the courtyard and used as foundation for the bars while cocktail tables were draped with chiffon ‘yellow rose of Texas’ prints and of course, the states’ flower ‘Blue Bonnets’ were arranged in actual cowboy boots.
Every inch of the property was filled with Texan charm…the beginning foods were all variations of southwestern and Tex-Mex cuisine all created in small elegant bites and butler tray passed on framed pictures of the winning horse and collages of the ubiquitous Texas scenery.
Mind you…this production is all BEFORE the guests actually entered the party! To top it all off, what better than some of my personal favorite music…western swing; the strains of old Bob Wills’ fiddle tunes dancing through the late spring air. I have found an amazing group of 4 guys that did western swing. What great musicians, and what presence, fully costumed in cowboy attire ready to make musical magic! Man, we were ready for this event.
So at 5.30pm, all of the above is happening exactly as planned, and I must declare dear readers, it was far better than I could ever find the words for. Then, as I looked up from one of the kitchens I had created in the garage, I saw before me a sight that will be forever etched in my cranium. Amongst one of the most detailed productions I ever created, stood before me 4 perfectly coifed and costumed musicians dressed to the nines in arrrrgggghhhhh...
~PIRATE ATTIRE~
As it turns out, the four cats, not only do a splendid Bob Wills and the Texas Playboys set…but they also double doing seafaring songs for pirate events and the notes got crossed in their wires! So there they were, bigger than life, and I am talking bird on the shoulder and eye patch kind of shit here. No matter how long god keeps my bones in this body on this earth, I will never forget my reaction. After my jaw was quickly reattached to my face after dropping ever so firmly, and I actually became aware of what was happening (mind you…guests were already arriving…the party had started), I stripped Pirate Pete of the eye patch and bird…and just had to say what the fuck on the bright colored sea worthy getups. We quickly went from ‘Blow the Man Down’ to ‘Deep Within My Heart Lies A Melody’ and I proceeded to begin to laugh and wet myself harder than I ever imagined possible. I won’t begin to go through the details of the rest of the event, but I’ve included a few of the items that I created for my fabulous clients that fateful night.
Now, cut to a week later, the dust has settled, the event struck, the client was happy, although they thought I officially lost what was left of my mind for hiring a western swing band that dressed like bad gay pirates. I now needed to deal with the $2000 invoice from these jokers. In my own inimitable manner, I decided that, great laugh or not, I did not get the services for which I had negotiated; therefore I opted to pay them 50% of the total bill.
After 2 months and losing the lawsuit…I decided to pay them in full!!
It took me almost 2 weeks to find the perfect shipping container. An amazing “Pirates of the Caribbean” replica treasure chest that was large enough to fit 200 rolls of quarters! Yes do the math, I ordered 8000 quarters and spend over 300 dollars to send this pirates ‘booty’ as my court ordered payment!! Paying a bill to these assholes in quarters, housed in a treasure chest delivered by courier? Indeed my finest hour!
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